perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
