Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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