He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
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They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
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You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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