I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
