he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
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My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
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You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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