OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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