don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
