That's when you crack a 10am beer
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
