Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
