you're like a bully in the Christmas story
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
