now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
