Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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