Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
