Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
