Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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