i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
