Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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