they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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