In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
