Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
