More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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