I have demons in me.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
