fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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