I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
