her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
