note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
