youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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