he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
