dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
