dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
