My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
