and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The air was thick with penises
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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