this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
