I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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