You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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