I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
