Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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