DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
