I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
