Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
