it's too hot outside to masturbate.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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