Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I AM VODKA MAN
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
