ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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