he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize