Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
