everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
