Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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