So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
