Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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