She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
worst night to have a conscience
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
