I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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