I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
