I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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