I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
