Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
