Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
