$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
