I seem to have left my pride at pride
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
