i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
