why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
