I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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