Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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