the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
