he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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