I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
