Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
