The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
