Have you finally orgasmed yet?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
