i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
