Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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