i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
