I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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