He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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