She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
