I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
