The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
