I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
