Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
