honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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